If Only Money Could Buy Brains

On this glorious Tuesday morning I thought I would jot down a few of the questions I've been asked over the years while reminiscing my life on the road as a Travel Director...taking uber wealthy Americans on their vacations around the world:

Q: What time does the 9 o-clock bus leave?
A: Sir, the 9 o'clock bus leaves at 9 o'clock.

Q: What makes the Great Wall so great?
A: Well sir I guess you'll just have to go back again to figure that out

Q: Are we in the mountainous region of Antarctica?
A: Ummmm, really?

Q: How far above sea level are we? (this asked as we're sitting in a zodiac in the ocean)
A: Well ma'am, your head is about 2.5 feet and your feet about 2 inches above sea level.

Q: How come your luggage came off the plane to the carousel first?
A: Oh, I called ahead before the flight landed.

Q: How come the room next to mine has a mattress that is wider by 2 inches?
A: I'm not sure Mr. Rowan, but are you saying size matters?

Q: How am I ever going to get my day back in life if we're flying from Hawaii to Australia and I am skipping it all together?
A: Well sir, I guess you'll have to go on your next Around the World by Private Jet trip going to the other direction.

Q: It must've been a fascinating time when the Romans were building Macchu Picchu...
A: That would have indeed been fascinating, sir. Especially since they were such a long way away from home.

Q: Was it hard to get a visa to for your trip to America? (this was asked upon landing with a group in JFK airport from Russia after a 2-week trip)
A: No maam, I've had a Visa credit card for years? (I mean honestly WTF - my Russian accent must be awesome!)

Q: I need help, my mom just tried to use the bathroom and fell off the toilet!! She's laying on the ground and I can't get her up...(I then run from our Hosp Desk to their room)
A: Mrs. Ford, that's not the toilet, that's a bidet and not meant to be sat upon. Now let's get your mom up off this floor and get that ever-growing hematoma taken care of now, ok?

These, my friends, are real questions and scenarios from real people who run multi-million dollar companies and have more money than I could every imagine.

I'm afraid if money could buy brains I would not have nearly the stories I have to laugh about, even all these years later. Cause surely these people would've bought them!